To follow that up Mama, I think in the end, the BEST possible situation for us to end up with is that WE learn to grow and accept responsibility for ourselves and our S's do the same. Then, when we get to that place where we both have grown and seen "the light" that is our own happiness derived mostly from internal sources, we look towards each other and realize that we truly do love the other.
It's all about finally getting on the same page because we all have gone SO long without being even in the same book as our S's. I just think it's all about a parallel experience we are having with our WAS that eventually will become a single experience once again but we have to have something to bring to the table, and that's our own sense of self worth and clear understanding of what we want in all this.
Thank you Always. I too enjoy your posts, and as I said on Frank's thread, I don't always feel like I have much to say to him but I have been following him ever since the day I got here. He's been an inspiration if not for his DBing, for his ability to so clearly communicate his daily struggle.
GH, thank you from me also for giving of yourself, your time, your insights, your direction, your perspective, your encouragement, you support, your...well YOU, thank you for YOU. You have been a lifeline and source of inspiration for me since I came here. I truly consider you my "brother from another mother!" Take care; be strong; know that right is right ALWAYS!
Aw shucks, you're welcome. Somehow a "Thank you NYS" thread has broken out here...and you semi-oldtimers know what I am talking about here
Well, THANK YOU to all of you as well. I guess part of why I am around here, first and formost is because I really need help with my sitch and this is the best place I have seen to get that help. Secondly, I genuinely enjoy helping people if I can and in the attempt to help YOU, I help ME flesh out some ideas banging around in my head. I think one of the things that really drew me to this site in the first place was the quality of the people here and the almost total lack of aggression on the part of most of the posters (contrary to other sites who's basic premise, especially concerning infidelity is to say "f-you b-tch, get out" or "grow a pair"). Even someone like OT these days or in the past, NYS, who posts the truth, and nothing but the cold, often hard truth, comes across as anything but abrasive or aggressive when you take her posts in total and in context.
It's that way people here get hard on you when they have to and back off when needed that works for me. I have almost never felt "jumped on" or "smacked" when I didn't deserve it OR more importantly, when I couldn't handle it.
So, thank you all. I just try to post when I can, where I can and hope something I say helps somebody.
Dang....I hope I didn't start this "love" fest, lol. I almost feel like I should jump in with something negative to say just to keep you grounded
Have a good weekend GH!
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
It is a love fest isn't it? But, doesn't GH deserve it? By coming here his head must swell, but you know what? He is a great guy! Too bad his wife din't know this, but you can't blame her, everyone has issues and deals with them in their own way. One person's right is another person's wrong. We are not put on this earth to judge anyone. We are only responsible to ourselves. The only people we can control are our children, while they are little. After that, we really have no control. We just have to hope and pray that we taught them well and deal with the consequences. That is a little like our spouse. We have to step back and let them deal with their consequences.
As an update to my sitch, just got the hug tonight, I guess the burp blew it. But come on.....he totally caught me off guard. Anyway, I am not REACTING. I am so happy with myself and how I am. I know I am a good person. Heck, I babysat 8 kids today - ages 2 - 11. That in itself takes a certain kind of person. Anyway, sorry for ranting and another hijack. Like I said, noone follows my thread......peace and love
You also serve as a fine example of someone who came here 'totally-messed-up' and has found some strategies and self awareness tools to help to address some of your marriage issues.
I actually remember when you first got here, under your old name and I can't believe you have become the man that you have. It's very profound.
Take pride in that my friend.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Thanks PA, Mama and Walking. I think I HAVE made progress but I still have a LONG way to go. These days I am getting complacent and I think I risk going back to some of my old ways. I am working on being truly aware of what I am doing and who I am on a daily basis. I just don't want to wake up a month from now and realize that I am right back where I started from 6 months ago.
Thanks for the continued kind words and you can't know how much I appreciate it. Actually, my head is not really swelling TOO much, lol.
As for my W, well, I think she MAY be seeing the better side of me after all this, at least I hope so anyway. Time will tell.
Well, I just thought I should post something that came to me last night when I was shooting my wedding. I was talking to my assistant, who also happens to be one of the very few "real" people who know about my sitch. I was telling him about all the progress we've made and about the recent kiss/teasing thing last week. As I was talking to him, and telling him that thing W said about "It sucks that one stupid night ruins my year" I suddenly realized what didn't fit. I knew it was WAY too casually said for it to be THE admission of the PA. Actually, what I realized was that she was not talking about the affair at all, she was talking about her DUI case. I am 99.9% sure of that. It's what has been consuming her lately and especially that night. I guess my mind wanted to hear that confession so much I grabbed it out of thin air.
Anyway, no big deal.
As for the past few days, nothing new. I am sick so physical interaction is at a minimum with W. I did take the boys tonight to get her a little gift bag of stuff that she wanted. She likes to do her nails on the weekend and she's had a hard time finding all her stuff lately so I bought her a manicure kit, some chocolates that she likes a lot and some nail polish (I also got her some Tylenol PM to try to help her sleep). I know you may be thinking that she might have liked a manicure done FOR her but I assure you she does not. She doesn't really like that kind of stuff and considers it therapeutic to sit down in front of the TV late at night and do her nails. She seemed to really appreciate the effort and I got a nice big smile and hug.
Take care; be strong; know that right is right ALWAYS! 
