I think I have always been consistent in saying that I accept, and HAVE accepted that she had a PA but was either in denial or lying about it. I am only recently suspecting that I COULD be wrong. I have tried to always be realistic about that especially since she has said many times that there is more to the story that I don't know. Our last R talk, she admitted to there being "physical" stuff to the affair but said it was NOT sex. I know there are a great many things you can do and not call it sex but to date, she denies intercourse. I don't deny that as a possibility, a good one at that.
In the recent past, I have learned that even though I think I accepted the reality of the "phantom" PA, I was still hurt when she admitted even the "other" physical aspects of the affair. I know I would be a fool to say I would not be affected by her admitting to whatever they did but I think as I see signs of US getting better, I am better able to accept whatever comes up about the past. I am more concerned about the future.
I also had to look inside myself to see if there was any resentment building as happens so often in reconciliation for LBS's. So far, I don't think I have any. I think my early adoption of the "I have my part to play in the fall of Rome" has helped me avoid some of that resentment. I am looking out for it because more than before, I see HER finally reaching out to me. Her kiss on my chest is literally the first such thing maybe in YEARS, really, I swear. She DOES NOT instigate physical contact...or at least she DIDN'T.
So, thanks for the warning and I hope I am aware of the pitfalls you speak of.
