OT, I keep hearing over and over about how I "need to take charge". I really wish I knew what that meant. I was raised in a time where I was CONSTANTLY drilled that NO MEANS NO, and I have embraced this my whole life. My W has CLEARLY and REPEATEDLY told me she is not ready for anything more than we are doing right now. If she is waiting for me to go against that direct communication and "pin her to the wall" and kiss her, then she is probably going to be waiting for a LONG time, and if my marriage hinges on my ability to do that when she is telling me she does not want it, then my marriage is in worse trouble than I think.
My confidence, my assertiveness, my decisiveness, both physically AND verbally have NEVER been higher and she notices. That said, the main reason I balk at your "take charge" suggestions when they cross the line she has clearly drawn in terms of her comfort, is because I don't consider it an issue of "taking charge" as much as disrespecting her feelings.
I GET where you're coming from in all this, I really do but it's just not in me right now to cross that line. Hell, she could be waiting for that but I just find it hard to believe that you OT, or really anyone else here is truly advocating that NOW I start to mind read when the stakes are this high? Wouldn't THIS be the part of the R, since it's been a problem in the past, that we talk MORE, and not assume anything?
I know I am just frustrated and for a couple different reasons. First, because my sitch seems to be moving slowly (but I am more ok with that after some of the posts today) and second because I THINK I am doing the right thing and then this "take charge" thing comes up again and I think maybe I am missing something.
OT, I am going today, without fail, to get that book if they have it at my B&N. I have been so busy lately but I will make time because my marriage is the most important thing to me and I can see that there is probably some VERY good info to be had. I thank you for having patience with me (almost...until today anyway, lol).
