Ok, so here's where I am today. I think I am realizing that my campaign to "raise the intimacy level" in my sitch is not really working, or if it is, I can't really see it. Aw hell, I'll be honest and admit that I am just getting tired of not having sex or getting affection from W. I know things are getting "easier" between W and I but I see not much evidence that she is getting closer to being totally ok with our physical interaction. I sense that there is some part of her that is simply going along with it because she doesn't want to offend me or hurt me any more than she thinks she already has. I also DO think there is a part of her that DOES want me to touch her but that part is not really ready to take over.
So, I think I have a few options. First, I could just continue with this course of action, hoping that eventually, she will participate more and things will escalate on their own (with a little help from me, lol).
I could just stop what I am doing and see what happens.
I could tell W that I was going to stop initiating "touching" because I didn't feel like it was appropriate, or that she wanted it right now.
OR I could ASK her how she felt about my touching her and if she wanted it to continue or not.
I tend to think the last option may be best in my sitch because I want to foster an openness about intimacy and let her know that not only do I want her to talk about it with me, I want to be able to with her as well.
Of course, this is my impatience talking and maybe I need to do none of the above and just wait longer since the signs are there, albeit hard to see sometimes, that she's warming up to me. Lots more hugs initiated by her, and lots more asking to have her legs rubbed, which is a bit more intimate than a back rub to her. She IS getting more comfortable but I just want to also make sure we are not falling back into the same old routine of nightly back rubs and once-a-monthly ML. That won't work for me but I think this is one part of the R that I can't simply tell her I need more, I need to entice/attract her so she WANTS more, yea?
I think this all started because I actually have begun to ask her things. Like the other night I asked her when I was going to be able to touch her in some way that was NOT a back rub, and that I really wanted to. She didn't respond. Last night I kissed her on the cheek and wispered in her ear that I was GOING to kiss her sooner or later, it was just a matter of time. She giggled but still turned and walked away. Also last night W had me talk to a friend of hers (the GF that I think knows the whole story) about a computer issue. As W was handing me the phone, she said, "he wishes" and I asked her what that was about. She said that GF said "He needs to roll off you and talk to me" with a laugh. W was still giggling when she handed me the phone. I took it as a good thing that W could joke and laugh about this stuff when before, the very subject of intimacy between us was off limits and would make her get quiet.
In each case, it was mostly said lightly and responded to lightly but I think it's "out there" right now. The last thing I really want is to put undue pressure on her which again, is another reason why I am thinking I may need to do something different. Maybe I am wrong and I just need to stay the course because what I am doing these days is EXACTLY what I want to do, and almost EXACTLY what she said we were missing in our lives, daily, non-sexual physical intimacy. Hmmmmm.
So, she hugs me more, asks me to touch her more, pulls away less when I kiss her neck or back but still makes it clear that she's not ready for more than that. Do I wait or try what's behind door #3?
