"Maybe though we can compete with ourselves by not allowing our interpretations of how our spouses treat us affect our self worth."
I can almost feel myself cringing when I perceive him looking at me in a certain way-usually after we argue about something, or he is being particularly quiet, I have taken to asking him what he is feeling at those particular moments, and usually it is not at all what I perceived. This is good, and a step in the righ direction.
OK, so don't think for them, don't assume you know what they are thinking. Fine, I will endeavor NOT to do that, I believe that I have gotten much better about this and I have good days and bad days (they are not all so gloomy)....BUT (and here's the kicker):
What am I supposed to think when if I don't assume I know what he's thinking, but he will not tell me what he is thinking about me and us, where does that leave me?? He will admit to thinking something-he just can't tell me...he says..."oh, I don't know, nothing really" and is so darn abmiguious and vague it makes me want to scream. He says in therapy that he knows his silence makes me nuts and that is mostly why he does it-he uses it as a weapon. C then asked why he is so angry with me-and why all the resentment towards me. He was shocked-said he wasn't really (what's up with his use of that word..."really"...?). I think control is another biggie for him, one that he will not admit to tho, C and I have suggested it, that he likes to control me, the situation, our marriage...etc., he denys any desire to control, however, in his job/profession-he is used to controlling most things and many people.....hm, I see a similarity there, I wonder why he does not.
I know there is more going on inside his head then he can let out-I need to find creative ways to deal with things while I wait.(?) I just hope I don't get too sick of waiting-or he finds another outlet (like he claims OW was just "someone to talk to"-yeah, sure...and he just sort of fell on her and had sex too, huh).
Resentful? You bet. Maybe I wouldn't be if I didn't care or didn't want him to talk to me HIS WIFE.
He gave my "job" away without my consent and it pisses me off.
And so the roller coaster continues....H just called and we are "ok"-had a good chat..like we usually do.
