Me2 - Hi. I'm not familiar with the Meyer/Briggs test but am curious now. When I wrote that above reply I really wasn't being strong - just angry and rebellious. I was mad at myself for interpreting H's outercore kind actions as meaning something it did not. He can be outercore kind, but feel hollow at the same time. (He admitted again to feeling hollow).
In between this reply and the above, I told H I wanted him to leave (as in separate), and I told him keeping me in limbo, not wanting a divorce yet saying he is unable to connect with anyone, is emotionally abusive and selfish. I have NEVER been so bold to say such things to him. That was a 180 for me. I don't regret my words but did regret how it was said. And the biggest regret of all was to apologize to him after...because by doing so, he knows he still has a hold on me. I cried wolf and he caught it. And therefore, he will not bend over backwards to try and keep me - because he does not believe, imo, that I am going anywhere right now. He would have gone to the seminar with me if he felt I meant it.
Also, since I wrote that above reply I understand him a whole lot better. He opened up to me about him - which is a step in the right direction. (Michele says I need to praise him when he does good - and I really haven't done that enough.) I see H differently because he confided things to me he has never confided to anyone before, and can approach him in a softer manner now.
Learning all that I have is the way to piece my marriage back...but want "a new marriage" - I don't want the old one back and doubt he would either.
Me2 you said:
"But I have lost all of my believed self confidence where H and my marriage is concerned"
I hope Me2, you go in and out of that thought - I know I do but with time, my confidence is growing and the "something must really be wrong with me" is being replaced with "he has issues that block his ability to appreciate me." It's been an obsession of mine to figure out things and even though I say I'm tired of it, I'm just too obsessed to quit trying to figure it out. But this helps me to rise above the situation - posting/replying as much as I have works for me. (I used to feel like a failure for being here so much. But that thought is ridiculous to me now.) I couldn't have received the help had I not. Wise DBers have helped me get to this point - one told me that I'm further on my journey than my H - and just thinking that way helps me feel better about me. I hope you find that your ups on the rollercoaster are occuring more often.
After going to Michele's KLA seminar yesterday, it really helped put my mind on the right track again - maybe I can't change how I feel but I can change my actions in response to how I feel.
Me2 - wise DBers have said it's not good to keep track of what our spouses do and don't do; because it's like competing...and I see that now. Maybe though we can compete with ourselves by not allowing our interpretations of how our spouses treat us affect our self worth.
I am a better person for this whole experience and hope the marriage will follow suit.
