But first, I am just fine with reality. It's not the reality I choose but it also is not the reality I will ignore, or let my H ignore. I won't make it easy on him by pretending what is wrong isn't.
After our OR talk I realized what I thought to be true, is true. He feels he can never love me the way I deserve , he does not want to divorce, and there is no OW. At least I finally have a platform to stand on.
My email:
********** "I will stay in my marriage - rise above it - tell him I won't pretend nothing is wrong with our marriage and when he's ready to quit being a sh#t, I'll be here. (I won't use the sh#t word tho). I'll have OR talks anytime I damm well please. I'll have sex if I feel like it and take a selfish approach to that and fill those needs - as he does - with out emotional love.
I won't break up our family because my kids daddy doesn't love their mommie. I won't destroy their home because of him. I'll try to act as normal as possible, for their sake. I'll grab him and kiss him in front of the kids - for the kids. This sitution we are in takes two - but this problem of his - IS HIS!
He is not having an A, he does NOT want a divorce - he just has a problem.
For better for worse...
I finally have a platform to work from...and it feels good. *********
I am sick of being so flocking self consumed with my marriage. It's time to move on. There are other things I can find to be fulfilling - outside of men. No offense to the many good men out there - but I think many are selfish by nature, my H being one. And I'm obviously too trusting and gulliable, like he says I am, to see thru all that sugar coating.
-K
Edit in - if you Alotta or anyone else wants my email address to bounce off ideas - it's febgal@hotmail.com The goal is to quit complaining. If some miracle happens - something good I'll post for inspiriation. But for now it's time to let it go. I don't know if I'll be around these boards or not. The fun stuff is fun but it's too easy to venture elsewhere. And I'm stopping myself from living by spending too much time dwelling on what I can't fix this minute. It's 10:12 am and I'm still reeling about my marriage and have yet to work out. I am wasting time.
[This message has been edited by Wintergirl (edited 04-09-2001).]
