Ok...I have just caught up on your thread and I have one thing to say to you....get yourself to your Dr. ASAP. Get on an anti-depressant. There are many comments you are making that are making me very concerned for your own well-being, and well...honestly, I think an anti-depressant would probably improve your frame of mind.
Along with that Chrome...my friend, stop hiding yourself from your W. Stop taking responsibility for HER feelings and emotions (those are all hers to own and deal with....not yours). You deal with YOU.
I love ya man...but this self-deprecating talk is self-destructive (smack!)....and it leads you right into a black hole.
Oh...and I too definitely do not agree with LFL about flirting up a storm with females around you. In your state of mind right now, that is a HUGE recipe for disaster (no offense LFL). You are in an extremely vulnerable place where you need validation and you know all too well how quickly flirting can lead to something a bit more (as you mentioned about flirting with those girls in Belize I think it was.) You mentioned that one time that at one point you had to quickly draw a line....in your frame of mind right now, you don't even want to get close to that.
Here's a quote I keep on my computer to help motivate me.....
"If you meet with obstacles, you try to overcome them. You fix what you need to fix to reach what you believe is your goal. If you still can't fix it, if you're hitting a wall, it probably means you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing. Change direction!"
This speaks so clearly to me for you Chrome....stop hiding yourself. Be the man you are, stop protecting your W from him. Say what you need to say to her....let HER be responsible for how your words make her feel. In other words Chrome.....CHANGE DIRECTION.
