The town I live in has 8000 people, and the nearest mall is 1 hour away (in a city with about 50,000 people). The nearest real city that would have limos is about 2 hours away. I hear your cautionary words. I know sex is not in the picture right now, and accept that. But a good long moment staring into each others eyes with love would heal my soul. I know I shouldn't expect that either, but I can hope.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Chrome, Like I said, treat it like a first date. You don't know what to expect, so expect nothing other than for you to show your best side and do your best to impress the lady. You'll do well, Once Chrome sees what you are doing, he'll come right out and tell Glob to take a hike for the evening.
I know little of you but from what I lurk and read. I will say this, I lurk here because I see in you an honest man who is trying with all his might to change and be someone who he wants to be and in turn someone his wife will want to be. I see wisdom in your posts and I see caring of others in your responses to their posts.
In just lurking today, I am a bit unnerved about your posts. As GGB stated, I see you mean a lot to many on this board. I have seen you help them as you try and help yourself.
I know the despair, most of us do from now and then, I intimately now where you are at and what you are feeling. They may not be the same but I know the feeling. Focus within. Look inside to that man you have changed into and is strong. These are just feelings and feelings change. Focus on the inner strength you have built. Focus on the caring those here are sending you today. You are a success in many eyes, mine included.
Respectfully posted, F4W
Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.
Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
Quote: I was mentioning that I might be able to come home this weekend, and she said don't bother as she will be having to practice for a wedding she is playing in next wekend. I know it is stupid, but that really hurt.
Chrome, this is NOT stupid! ANYONE would be hurt by a statement like this!!! For her to say this to you was rude! And DON'T say that you are partly to blame for it. You are not to blame for your wife's feelings-- and certainly not for her rudeness. You are NOT that powerful. You do not MAKE people feel what they feel. It was a rude and hurtful thing to say. Is she going to be preparing for the wedding nonstop for 48 hours without a break? Please do NOT blame yourself when your W is rude to you. This is like a wife who is being beaten by her husband saying "it's my fault because I got on his nerves."
Glob is not your enemy. He is a young, wounded part of you who gets triggered when you aren't getting the lovin' you want and need. Glob is hurting... like I said, he's not evil.
I am so sorry to hear the pain in your posts. I feel what you are going through. You are so deserving and the love you are seeking. You are worthy. Give yourself a break, it's okay.
Please dont' do anything hasty...you have friends here. People who truly care about you. We will help you throgh this.
I'm in the Philadelphia area, if any of your workshops pass through here, send me and email seasonsch@verizon.net and we'll talk. Please take care of you. You are a great father and your babies need you to be there for them.
your in my thoughts and prayers, Nicky
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am,' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
Frederick Collins
I haven't been around much, but you keep me coming back too, Chrome, and you keep me hoping. You have been a positive influence over me in the last few weeks. Just reading your passion for keeping your marriage alive and going and striving to get it to where you want it to be. Don't give up, Chrome! I know how hard it is once you slip into the abyss. Try to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and keep on keeping on.
Ok...I have just caught up on your thread and I have one thing to say to you....get yourself to your Dr. ASAP. Get on an anti-depressant. There are many comments you are making that are making me very concerned for your own well-being, and well...honestly, I think an anti-depressant would probably improve your frame of mind.
Along with that Chrome...my friend, stop hiding yourself from your W. Stop taking responsibility for HER feelings and emotions (those are all hers to own and deal with....not yours). You deal with YOU.
I love ya man...but this self-deprecating talk is self-destructive (smack!)....and it leads you right into a black hole.
Oh...and I too definitely do not agree with LFL about flirting up a storm with females around you. In your state of mind right now, that is a HUGE recipe for disaster (no offense LFL). You are in an extremely vulnerable place where you need validation and you know all too well how quickly flirting can lead to something a bit more (as you mentioned about flirting with those girls in Belize I think it was.) You mentioned that one time that at one point you had to quickly draw a line....in your frame of mind right now, you don't even want to get close to that.
Here's a quote I keep on my computer to help motivate me.....
"If you meet with obstacles, you try to overcome them. You fix what you need to fix to reach what you believe is your goal. If you still can't fix it, if you're hitting a wall, it probably means you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing. Change direction!"
This speaks so clearly to me for you Chrome....stop hiding yourself. Be the man you are, stop protecting your W from him. Say what you need to say to her....let HER be responsible for how your words make her feel. In other words Chrome.....CHANGE DIRECTION.
Oh...and I too definitely do not agree with LFL about flirting up a storm with females around you. In your state of mind right now, that is a HUGE recipe for disaster (no offense LFL). No offense taken, but you are taking it out of context in that you make it sound like I suggested he go flirt up a storm in his "semi-suicidal" state. That was hardly my advice. If he was not depressed and also confident about the continued work on his M, I would still stand by those statements. But right now he is in dire straits. I'll ditto that I think checking in with his doctor is good advice.
