I have been talking to her on the phone a few times since coming to the workshop. Unfotunately, one time we were talking I was mentioning that I might be able to come home this weekend, and she said don't bother as she will be having to practice for a wedding she is playing in next wekend. I know it is stupid, but that really hurt. I was hoping to hear how much she missed me, how much she wanted to see me. Instead I got that she didn't really care if it was one week away or 3. I know inside that this is partly my doing. I have helped create the atmosphere that our M is in, in which she doesn't look forward to seeing me. She is probably scared of what silly thing I will do next, or what other bombshell I will drop. But it still hurts, a lot.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Thanks for the message Lil. That does look like a good way of thinking about things. I know that I will never truly defeat Glob, that I must find a way to deal with him. He is out in full force right now. Thank you for your kind words. I will try what you suggest.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Thanks GGB and LFL. I have done so. I wrote her a long email just baring it all. I know it is not ideal, but there is no way of saying all that over the phone or in person, and I will go crazy if I don't get it out before the end of this workshop. I intentionally didn't edit it, or even read it over when I was done. We have to start being able to speak from our hearts without fear of reprisal. I do recognize that there might be misunderstandings, but with a loving attitude, we can figure it out.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Thanks Fran, I appreciate your kind words. I am feeling a little better having gotten some things off my chest. I just hope I can go back to the workshop now and do what needs to be done. I know that I wear my heart on my sleeve, and several of the teachers have already been asking me and others if I am ok. Please send me some strength everyone, not just to be ok, but to be able to be successful. Thanks
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Chrome, hmm, what if you surprised her instead. Find out what her schedule is with the wedding practice thing. Come home without announcing that you plan to be there and then meet her as she's leaving the wedding thing...in a limo, and take her out on the town. You know, romance her like she's never seen before.
It would give her the romantic thing that women seem to love, and it would give the Chrome side a chance show off his confidence and to come out and really show Glob who is the boss. Make it like it is a first date and you are trying to impress the panties off her (literally )
chrom. I see "some" of myself in your posts. Wondering if I was a good dad. all I can say, we do the best with the skills we were given/shown. Both you and I and others here, had a rough childhood.
True we thought we made it whan we went to work, got our degree but you know what neither one of us is done learning or improving. What you think you are now is not who you will become.
Your W needs to see that what you were doing, the improvements you made, were for you, her and the kids.
No Internet connection at the workshop???? How about a public library??? i think it would help to feel you can talk to your forum friends. Also get a calling card and call home often. (2 or 3 cents a minuet)
I want to see you here as often as you can get online.
Although I may not be able to do exactly as you suggest (there are no limo places anywhere near where I live), I get the idea. I'll have to call and see if someone can babysit the kids for a few hours either Friday or Saturday night. I guess since the W and kids are with the in-laws now, they can just stay there while I take her out. Thanks.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Chrome... I hope the email opens up the lines of communication between you and W. At any rate, it's good you took the opportunity to express yourself...try not to be too invested in a particular outcome...as always, it's a process. Sounds like there are some supportive souls at the workshop...just wondering, are you able to call your therapist when you are having an SOS moment?
Chrome, Man, you must live way out in the boonies. I thought every town had limos. Maybe you can talk a friend into chauffering you around or something so you can shower your date with your full attention. Anyway, you got the idea. The in-law situation sounds perfect as far as the babysitting goes. Take her some places really nice, woo her! Don't expect to get laid, just like you wouldn't on a first date. If it happens, great. if it doesn't, still great.
Thanks for your kind and understanding words IHJ. You are right, there are some supportive souls here. But unfortunately, I also see the signs of attraction too. I know personally that several of them are not in the best place in their R's right now (its amazing what stuff will come out at these things), so I'm wary of opening up to anyone for help. I have never called on my therapist that way, that might be a good idea. I need to schedule my next appt anyway.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
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