Thank you all for your responses. I am just so mired right now, I can't see a way out. I feel like my entire world is crashing around me. A simple thing. One of the participants in the workshop was checking email today and I just happened to notice an email from her H calling her a pet name (hi tater type thing). I am now stuck in this loop because I thought "my W would never send me an email with a pet name." She never calls when I am away, sends emails, etc. You already know about the coming home from vacation thing, and that is just adding to it. Its probably hard for your to imagine how something so simple can reduce a grown man to tears in front of a bunch of his peers. Of course embarrassment is now fueling my further descent into this maelstrom.
I just don't know if I can do this anymore. My light is dark, my future seems hopeless. How can I be a father, husband, teacher? Why should I even be alive? I want to just run far away. How do I stop this pain short of just ending it?
Sorry you have to hear this, but I need to let it out. If I don't I will just further embarrass myself.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
