Sex Novice -> Master

[Stigmata]

Hey Chromo,

Ah, you knew I'd pop in again when you start slipping.

To follow up behind our good friend blackfoot Another M here to extend a hand to help pull you up, slap the dust off, and give you a hearty back pat. Roll with the punches baby, I'm right in the trenches with ya there--emotional pain's a b!tch but it comes and goes so just remember to stand firm and feel it flow right around/past you...like a boulder in a river.

I want you to think about energy. You're an astrophysics god so I know you're good at picturing that. There's an effective use of energy and an ineffective use or waste of energy.

Suffering is the latter. And we all suffer from things in our minds from time to time. Ahhh, methinks there's a joke in there somewheres...ah, yes, now I remember:

M is a 3-Ring Circus: Engagement Ring. Wedding Ring. And Suffering.

Anyboohoo, thinking about your past A this time of year and your current barren SL is causing you to burn up a lot of energy better used elsewhere.

Suffering is the burning up/wasting of large stores of emotional energy on things over which we have zero control. It's all in your head. So shut the valve off and try and quit accessing those old terrible repetitive thoughts. Switch them with good thoughts instead.

If you want to dwell in the past then go back to when you received your PhD or received a promotion or the birth of your kids. Damn, a guy like me could be enviable of all of those things, frankly. Would be feathers in my cap for sure. (so better be careful I might steal them if you're lost in past pain and not paying attention)

The best part about the past is it's past. So next time these self-loathing feelings come back up forcefully switch your frame to those good things I mentioned. Why not? They're all just transient electrical firings anyway and not real or, most importantly, having a direct impact on the events in the present--like affecting your paycheck, for instance. Why not have fun with them? Plenty of time for pain for us all in the future, no use marinating in the past in the present...And we all end up pruney/wrinkly with bitterness.

I like what blackfoot says below and I wanted to continue with his comment...

You dont have to 'run away' when the escalation causes fear and hesitation in you. Be yourself, live life, and have your boundaries in place. Women feel it when they bump into them. Never apologize for your boundaries. Dont cross those and feel your strength and confidance IN YOURSELF increase. I think that would be a good thing, to help you develop a little thicker skin.

-- Ditto. And my thoughts on the other Fs and this flirting issue are if they start flirting with you, let them. Banter if you want but not too much at this point in your progress. Where I see you're having a problem now is your sense of fear of the attention. Yes, as BF says engaging in innocent escalation while also having confidence and strong boundaries is a good way to get that thicker skin.

I will only add it's important for you, while you're building this thicker skin to also rmind yourself every minute that you are an M who is comfortable in that same skin--no matter what the epidermal tensile strength.

Your posted reaction to F attention is showing you are not solid in your core of who you are...that you're afraid of an improper F advance. Stop this fear ASAP. You are the man. You are the chooser of your path. You are in control of your own destiny. When you are truly comfortable in your own skin an F can unbutton her blouse and put her foot in your crotch under a table and you can just smile smugly and think to yourself, "I could reciprocate with her and even escalate...but I choose not to. Quite flattering though. She just gave me a high compliment."

You see? The very confident comfortable self-assured M who is dedicated to his W the way you are to your W will not even flinch at a test like this but rather laugh it off and think it's cute while even putting the F in her place with a comment like,

"Maybe you should try that on a single M. When you do that to an married M it doesn't send a very good message about your character, sweetheart. But thanks for the compliment"

See how you control the interaction? Don't give F sexuality and approaches that kind of power over you. Always lead.

And another positive. This F "softening" you see now. More compliments. And more potential inner dialogue like:

"So I know it's not me. I'm not an hunchbacked ugly sexually repulsive troll. Then again, I bet the F at the table and these other Fs around me would act differently if they all had to take care of 3 of my babies under 3 running around all day long. Probably would turn tail and run at the thought." <inner dialogue chromo laughs>

Keep smiling over your images of your kids while you're gone, Chromey. And think thoughts of appreciation for W for not being some complaining F who would rather just dump your kids off with a sitter or family member and prefer to go out partying with her GFs while you're away. By the way, it's very true that the more positive thoughts you send out to a loved one the more somehow it is mysteriously received by them on an unconscious level.

I'm tempted to go into my whole comparison of the Earth and a computer hard disk but won't. Will just say info is encoded and decoded on spinning objects that are reliant upon electromagnetic fields.

-Stigmata-