I’m with what everyone here is saying. Stop the guilt. You’ve paid your penance, the slate is wiped clean, for your part of the responsibility that is. Your wife still has not paid for her part (and she has significant responsibility in promoting the A). Don’t feel any responsibility for her. That rescuing/martyr behavior is partly what got the two of you in this mess to begin with.
I tend to agree somewhat with LFL in that a healthy form of flirting may be good for you, but more along the lines of friendly, witty diplomacy, kind of like Cary Grant. I think it is important for you to eventually bring this natural part of yourself out into the open. It has always been there but your issues kept it suppressed. Time to begin evolving into the true Chromosphere.
Your wife might get jealous, who cares. That is her problem. She needs to work on herself and grow. She is resisting and in her passive aggressive way doing all she can to pull you back down to where you were before, just like Schnarch warns. Don’t go there or you will not only hurt yourself, but her as well. If you truly love your wife, then you have little choice but to continue to grow and evolve and offer her the incentive to pull herself up to your level. Anything else will eventually be disastrous to her, your marriage and your kids.
BTW, I think it was Balto talking about his two teenage girls and their “attitude.” When your two twins become teenagers, you will see more and more of your wife in them. That will include the bad as well as the good. If you do not keeping doing everything in your power to push you and your wife’s growth, you may be looking at two girls angry at life, men and masters of deflection. So I see only one path for you – work on the true you. Do whatever you think is right and proper, regardless of concern for your wife because the choice you make will already be in her best interest as well.
(One other thing, I saw you mention that I do not post often on your thread. That has nothing to do with you. I like and admire you very much. I am of the opinion that you need to move to a stronger position toward your wife. I know you are not quite ready for that, so the advice of others seems much better than what I can provide right now.)
