Im not down with you waiting four months for the lactation gang to leave either. But you can get back to that when you return home. Hopefully the ladies can give you some more solid ideas on how to deal with it. But it seems you have just felt a big key item
Just be yourself, and dont hide it for fear of your W's reaction, or the pain and struggle she absolutely WILL have to go thru to become a better W for you. You will have to be able to handle her pain. She will externalize it at you. Thats why its called tough love.
How long are you gone for? 3 weeks?
maybe just this overall "softening" in every manner of their being when they get near me, or talk to me, or listen to me
You act like a man, so you are surrounded by women. Thats life. No biggie. You can always act like a male person anytime you choose/need to.
it is too easy for it to be so hard at home. you have 10? years of acting like a male person to overcome with your wife.
Get over the guilt. Its useless. Your A is done, and gone and past. Get over the guilt of 'being a bad H' or whatever monologue you have in your head. Its useless to you and your W also. This has to be accomplished first, before you can set boundaries and differentiate enough to let her be responsible for her actions and feelings.
ex. good inner voice. ' yep I messed up. Yep we are here. but its not the right place. I have to do _______ to get to the right place. '
Take the time to go back and read thru Nops journey. It wasnt easy, at all. It takes strength, determination and a huge confidance in self that the course you are taking is 'the right one' when making and requiring changes in any R where you are the leader.
I dont think you should flirt, very much. Your really vulnerable right now, in many ways. I dont think you should hide either. So there. A third person and a third opinion. You dont have to 'run away' when the escalation causes fear and hesitation in you. Be yourself, live life, and have your boundaries in place. Women feel it when they bump into them. Never apologize for your boundaries. Dont cross those and feel your strength and confidance IN YOURSELF increase. I think that would be a good thing, to help you develop a little thicker skin.
Enjoy your workshops Chromo. Hangout, have fun, meet people. be in control of you, dont worry about others. Use that big noggin of yours to think of ways to stop letting your wife box you in, and how you can institute changes at home.
It does naturally progress. Its built in. In the scenario you are in it is exacerbated on several levels, by the techniques and time constraints of the workshops themselves. This is your life for a long time to come though. So if I taught you too well (lol, are you externalizing on me? ) how to see it progress, all I have done is give you the ability to be aware of yourself, and know you must have-- and where too, place your boundaries. You may have been naive at one time. You may have been unaware. Your neither now. What you do with your perception abilities is yours, big man. Thanks for the complement though. You should take it as one too.
