Sorry you are so sad Chrome. It's amazing how far you have come. Just the way you describe "being yourself" around other women and not worrying about how you are coming across to them. That is a huge step. The guilt is probably your next big challenge. You've got to ditch that mentality because it will only make things worse. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. So what. Do you think my H would be benefiting and our M benefiting if he constantly felt Guilt all the time. He would probably come across less than confident and that would not make me feel confident about the M either. I'm sure your W can see this in you as well. So what to do? Well, stop telling yourself you Shouldn't do this or that, you Shouldn't feel this or that. It is what it is. Some people might think I'm playing with fire here by suggesting this, but I say flirt up a storm with these "other women" who obviously find you attractive. You are strong enough to know not to cross the line. And as someone else noted, maybe Lil, it's often the chase and feeling that level of attraction from someone else, not any sexual act itself that is what many are looking for. Validation. Desirability. What do you think happens when I go out with the girls and flirt with drunk boys,lol. I know I'm not going to do anything over the line. But it makes me feel good and maybe gives me some validation I crave at home. You are getting just about zilch from your W so I don't see anything wrong with seeking Some from "other women." The trick is to make sure you don't run into this person again and again. Pick someone at a bar, club, grocery store, book store, you get the idea. NOT work, school, etc. Risk of an EA/PA there. My H stated as much to me last week. I told him I thought it would be fun to be a hostess or something at one of the nicer bar/restaurant's in town. He said "No way. That's all I need. Drunk men who know where to find you day in and day out." He then went on to state he doesn't care if I go out and do flirty stuff with the girlfriends around because those guys are only around me that one night. No risk for continued contact. So anyways, I stick by what I said before, stay out of trouble, but that doesn't mean don't have fun. And it's ok to get some validation from others. I know you want that from your W more than anyone but, it's just not something you can force. It's on her to SEE it and FEEL it. Other women do, you know it, it's not you and that is something to hold onto. You are going to be fine Chrome. Hang in there. FFL
