Thanks for all the responses, will respond in kind soon. Just thought I'd open a new thread with what I think is the new challenge ahead of me. I've done a lot of work on myself, and improved. I've done a lot of work on the R, and there is improvement there too (although still a long way to go). The area in which I have the most confusion now is how to really become Eros personified. I've gotten a lot of good tips before, but I'm sure its just the tip of the iceberg. This ought to be interesting at least.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Eros, eh? LOL I've got a book that might be of some help in that area. If you are interested, post your email and I'll email you so I can send it to you. I think it did a little good in my situation.
I tried to post my email in my information page, but it just says "private." I'm worried I may be stuck at that rank indefinitely. How many posts before I become corporal. LOL
Anyway, an email address you can use (while maintaining some anonymity) is globule.star@gmail.com Anyone should feel free to email me if you are so inclined, althought I'll admit I don't check that one all the time (I think I'm behind on a few responses there too, story of my life).
Stig, feel free to drop me those e-books too sometime.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I've spend the better part of my "down time" this weekend catching up on posts and I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents! So, here are some of my thoughts.
The whole baby #4 thing. I honestly don't think she wants another baby right now, it's the fear of the posibility of not having any more. I totally understand where she is coming from. I went thru it after #1 and am feeling it right now. Even tho the pregnancy wasn't planned, now that I miscarried, I suddenly want to start trying for #2. H and I both know that we are not ready, we are still enjoying #1 and we are not in a financial place to have #2. BUT, I still want him to acknowledge that we will have a second, when we're ready. For you, I think you have a very strong argument that has nothing to do with R and M...it's a simple financial thing. I wouldn't put too much emphasis on this, but I wouldn't have unprotected sex at this point. You just never know!
Regarding bringing your A-Game, I whole-heartedly agree with Lou. Learning new techniques and such doesn't mean squat if your W isn't interested. To work on technique, you need to have a willing participate who is mutually interesting in bettering the quality of sex you are having. No oral, no finger penetration, regular penetration hurts, don't touch the boobs, no toys. These are pretty basic things for her to be resisting.
I know you have been skeptical about the Peace Between the Sheets no-orgasm theory. I started reading the book and it is worth consideration. You might want to bump this to the top of your reading list. The techniques may help you build that EC with your W, and let her open up and increase her comfort level with certain things.
I know that "working on you" is something that can make you feel better and feel like you are doing something to better the sitch., but I think it would be in vain at this point. It really doesn't matter what your "techniques" are...you need to continue working on building the EC b/t you and the Mrs.
Just my thoughts, take it easy...it took 10 years to get to this point, don't think that it's not going to take some time to get to where you want to be.
Hugs, Nicky
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am,' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
Frederick Collins
Doing ok this morning. I'll try to get more responses in, but I may need to run soon.
It is so funny how silly I am sometimes. People here are talking about Schnarch and all this deep stuff, and I am reduced to tears in the car driving home yesterday when that "Where'd you go" song comes on. If you haven't heard it, it is a very simplistic song but has a haunting sound to it. The chorus goes:
"Where'd you go? I miss you so. Seems like its been forever, since you've been gone. Please come back home"
I know this sounds SOOOO childish, but I wish my W would say something like that to me. Talk about needy and unmanly. It would just warm my heart so much if she said she missed me and wanted me home. Ugh. Definitely not helping with the whole alpha-male Adonis thing I'm trying to cultivate. LOL (sheepishly)
More later
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
You want to cultivate your alpha side but in order to do that, you need a woman to complement you. If she were to share this side of herself (she feels this way, make no mistake) then you would naturally shift towards the alpha side. It is a finely tuned system isn't it!
Honeypot, who was born a girl but had to re-learn how to be one in my thirties.
Quote: I know this sounds SOOOO childish, but I wish my W would say something like that to me. Talk about needy and unmanly. It would just warm my heart so much if she said she missed me and wanted me home.
Not childing at all. I would kill to have a H that needed that from me.
Quote: Definitely not helping with the whole alpha-male Adonis thing I'm trying to cultivate.
Just be you, Chrome.
Nicky
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am,' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
Frederick Collins
I do get weary sometimes of trying to be Mr. Positive all the time. I'm not saying I succeed very well, but that is such a fundamental shift in who I am that I sometimes get beaten down trying to be positive LOL. I have always been the skeptical guy who personalized everything. Not a good combination for intimacy. Now I'm wading through the pollution from 10 years of my own bad behavior.
And the Adonis thing, I still have many moments in which all this attractive stuff seems so surreal. I know I'm not someone that women drool over, but going from the elephant man to "hey, that fellow's not bad" is also a huge shift for me. I'm still a huge geek most of the time when I interact with women, so I'm sure I kill most attraction quickly anyway. LOL
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
"You want to cultivate your alpha side but in order to do that, you need a woman to complement you."
Very true, for both meanings of the word complement.
"she feels this way, make no mistake"
I have SOOO much of my emotions tied up in this though. I worry sometimes that I have too much. God, I would crash and burn so hard if I were to find out she can't ever be truly affectionate with me. But I'm going act as if she can and hope for the best.
"Honeypot, who was born a girl but had to re-learn how to be one in my thirties."
Something I think a lot of women need to do. There is a big segment of our society that discourages women being overtly feminine. And then there is the other segment that encourages it to the detriment of all other aspects of the woman's potential.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
