Sorry to see you here. Have you read DB/DR? If not, do so now please, it will help.
First of all, you seem VERY together, almost TOO together. I worry a bit about that but moving on...
I will start with the last thing first:
Quote: The therapist has suggested I stop my discovery process, for basically these exact reasons, and I've read the same in other threads here. I'm going to try my best to stop - as many of you know, it's damn hard.
Um, yes. Stop NOW and as Mr. Miagi said, or was that someone else, "There is no try, there is only do." From what I can see, all this detective work has taken over your life, as it does for most people who start down that path. You know this first hand. Now you need to stop.
As for the rest of it, like I said, you sound REALLY good all things considered. I think what I am sensing is that you may need to be careful that you are not somehow in denial rather than being detached from your W's actions. She IS having an affair and you want to detach from reacting to your negative emotions over it NOT deny that you have them. It's a fine line but one involves being honest with yourself and the other is deceiving yourself. I suspect your IC can help you process whatever feelings you may (or may not) be suppressing. Just please try to allow yourself to feel the pain now or else you may see it come flooding out in the form or extreme resentment should things start down the path of reconciliation.
All things considered, you seem to be doing ok. You are getting help via the IC, and you have clearly established some boundaries that you are trying to further define, which is good.
I think you just need to continue down the path you are on and make sure that along the way, you are doing some "Self checks" to make sure that you are being open with yourself, your IC and eventually, your W about what you are feeling.
