I don't know what you've been trying to help W with her identity crisis thing, but I found it helpful with my W to keep my distance at times and just observe her during certain activities that I know she has struggled with in the past. I will use the indifference technique to get her to learn/try to experience new things. It seems that the more new things she does, whether she succeeds or fails, she gets a better idea of how she should run her life. I do emphasize the "her life" part.
When we were seperated my W went on a rampage of doing things she had never done before, but had taken for granted because I was always there to help her or do it for her. Things such as: paying the bills, purchasing a new car, maintaining the cars, etc... Basically responsibilities that she had never had to deal with.
I will also do things for her that she is very good at, to simply give her more time to experience things she's not so good at.
So next time your W needs your help or you think she does, think about what benefits she would gain by doing these things on her own, with you standing by just in case.
Call this "balancing one's identity" if you will.
Does this make sense? I'm not sure if I've phrased what I'm trying to tell you correctly.
