"He uses vague language to sandbag the partner. Inconsistency and ambiguity are his tools of choice. He often gives double messages and expects his partner to read his mind and meet his needs saying ‘She should have known how it is.' He withholds information and has a hidden agenda. He can't take criticism and makes excuses to get himself off the hook. He sulks and uses silence when confronted about his inability to live up to his promises, obligations or responsibilities. When he doesn't follow through, he puts the blame on his partner so he doesn't have to take it and accuses her of having the problem.
The man with this type of pattern shows little consideration of the time, feelings, standards or needs of others. He obstructs and block progress to others getting what they want and then ignores or minimalizes their dissatisfactions and anger. He is silent when confronted as he has never learned to compromise. He may be a workaholic, a womanizer, hooked on TV, caught in addictions or self-involved hobbies."
and
"He has such strong fears of intimacy deep in his unconscious mind so he must set barriers up to prevent a deep emotional connection. He is clever at derailing intimacy when it comes up by tuning out his partner and changing the subject. He must withhold part of himself to feel safe and may withdraw sexually. Closeness and intimacy during sex may make him feel vulnerable and panicked bringing forth his deepest fears of dependency upon a woman. The passive aggressive man lives an internal loneliness; he wants to be with the woman but stays confused whether she is the right partner for him or not. He is scared and insecure causing him to seek contact with a partner but scared and insecure to fully commit. "
You are definitely being hit with the vague language - you have this standard being held over you that you are supposed to achieve that will prove a goal - which is also vague.
I can imagine how frustrating that is. I wonder if you could come up with some more concrete goals for yourself in regards to you marriage? I liked what you said about making the guest room more amenable to your needs since that's where you are sleeping. I would caution you not to use it as something to dig at him with, kwim? But rather, more of an "okay, these are the current circumstances, so under these circumstances this is what I can do" sort of thing. In regards to the children, I would encourage you to come up with your own excursion dates. Are there things your children just adore with which you can entice them?
