I find it offensive to 'focus on being a great wife'. I just want to be a great person and my H can want to be with me or not. For some reason the words 'a great wife' surface imagery of me cooking dinner and getting H his beer out of the fridge for him.
preferably in heels, with a lacey apron on.
Heather is a person. You are working on being a better person.
Wife is a title with a job description and responsibilities, Like mother is also. I never said anything about dinner and fetching beer. But it was funny because in your previous post to me, you didnt finish posting, because you had to 'get dinner going'. Sigh.
Do you really find the hard work women put into their families for the past millenia to be degrading and offensive? All this time I thought my x enjoyed showing of her culinary skills, and here I was offending her. Sheesh no more letting women invite me over and cook dinner.
Her and I are both fiercely competitive and independent. Your H was fiercly independant with regards to your wishes and desires about his alcohol consumption too. How did that make you feel. Marriage is about being a team. Not adversaries. Competition is not going to be very productive.
That's why it sickens her that I stay in this M. Its sad that your family and one of your closest friends is having a hard time supporting your choice, in a positive manner. I had much the same when x had her A and I had to put several of them in their place. Since they couldnt offer me encouragement or support, and mistakenly thought disparaging remarks about my x were ok, they had to keep their mouth shut, about her, around me.
I have is that H is *telling* me and is ready to enforce that I may not sleep in my bed. That is not right. Your correct. Its not right.
H has a choice to sleep where he wants and so do I. If one's intention is not to control another, they would not set the boundary as 'you cannot do this...'. Boundaries are what you set for your own behavior right
Awesome. yes they are. Boundaries are also for informing someone else how they can treat you.
Lets make sure you are not engaging in demands, or false boundaries, and hurtful actions. Once that is done, then you have removed yourself from the tit for tat game. I was getting ready to offer an idea for getting back into your bed, when all the other crap from the past month blew up. I think others were too.
It would be more appropriately said "I will not sleep in the bed if you are there" or something similar, which at least gives me the option of making my own choice.
your correct. Look back at yourself. what have you done or are doing that attempted to not give him choice over himself?
