Am I Creating a SSM Part IV

[heatherg]

I didnt think your boundary of no kissing=no sex was swiss cheese...You have to weigh the pros and cons of it.

I suppose on some level, I did weigh the pros and cons. In this case, despite the fact that it could have dire consequences for the M, I felt like it was still something I needed to do. If H was telling the truth when he told me that having sex with me was more than just sex, then it didn't make sense that he was healed enough to engage in that, but not healed enough to sleep in the same bed with me. Right now, sleeping in the same bed would be enough to reinstate sex. So, I felt like his actions were a continuation of punishment to me. When I came to this conclusion, sex seemed a ridiculous option.

Well the first thing you have to do is define your integrity then.

Part of my integrity definition is to know that my actions are mine and that only I am controlling myself. Right now, the biggest problem I have is that H is *telling* me and is ready to enforce that I may not sleep in my bed. That is not right. H has a choice to sleep where he wants and so do I. If one's intention is not to control another, they would not set the boundary as 'you cannot do this...'. Boundaries are what you set for your own behavior right? That's what I've learned here. H has not set a boundary by telling *me* that I cannot sleep in my own bed. It would be more appropriately said "I will not sleep in the bed if you are there" or something similar, which at least gives me the option of making my own choice. That, to me, is integrity. Acting on what I think is right, not someone else's definition.

Got to get dinner going, I'll finish my post later.

Thanks