There is more than one truth to every situation. Each person has their own truth. Although I believe it is entirely possible that people can lie to themselves, it's not like I'm here saying, 'yeah, all this is going on, but things are mostly great...really'. My truth is that H's drinking has gotten significantly better and whether or not Al-Anon is something I can make time for in my life or not is still up in the air. Keep in mind that I am a mother of two small kids, I work full time and I have karate twice a week. You may see that as excuses, but I see it as priorities because, to be honest, I'm just not convinced that al-anon is exactly what I need. With that being said, the option is in the back of my mind.
I'm trying to give you the benefit of my 57 years of hard knocks. Disregard if you want. Goodness knows, I ignored all the people who told me to bail from this relationship...
Do you think that's what al-anon would ultimately help me do? Cutting to the chase, is getting out what *you* think I should do?
So, Heather, I'm hardheaded and don't take advice either.
I take advice. But not if it doesn't ring true to me or speak to me in some way that tells me it is applicable to my situation and/or could help.
The addict has a certain personality, and unless s/he gets into a recovery program, which means a LOT more than just ceasing to drink, and a HELLUVA more than continuing to drink, but drinking less, the addict personality will still be operating.
This is probably really true. Hopefully some day he will realize that. Until then, it's not my problem.
But when the day came when I knew I couldn't take it anymore, it was easy. Heather, you haven't reached that point yet.
I sure wish I was at that point. I *want* to leave H. It's my kids I can't stand to be without. Love is a choice right? To choose to love him makes me feel pathetic. What self-respecting person would love a person who inflicts these kinds of hurtful 'rules' to the detriment of anyone around just to satisfy their own sense of justice? I have been willing enough to punish myself, thing is, I never get the chance. He does it for me. Since this last time he rejected me sleeping in my bed, I can be civil, but being nice or kind repels me like the wrong end of a magnet. I go to bed without saying goodnight, I could care less what he's working on at work, It's pretty easy not to worry about his reactions to the things I do because I really don't give a crap. If not for the horrible effect separation would have on the kids, I would so be living in my own little condo right now. I have so many fears about seriously hurting those two little angels in my life. Like any mother, I believe they are truly perfect and they deserve every good thing life has to offer. I cannot stand the thought of ripping away the security that they know...they are so well adjusted and happy. They draw pictures of our family, the have this expectation, just as they should, that we will all be together forever. How the hell do I tell them any different?
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
