Quote: Personally I've always been more susceptible to urges to grab and shake Heather's H.
If Heather's H were here, I'd be first in line to shake him, because if he were here, that would mean that he would be asking for advice. I would tell him that continuing to punish her so cruelly for an A that was over two years ago is B.S. But he is not here; SHE is here and she is asking for advice. I live with a recovering alcoholic, so I'm giving her advice from my own experience.
People on the SSM board rarely advocate D. The SSM board is more about saving the marriage. And what most of us have discovered is that you cannot change your partner, so you have to change yourself. Sometimes changing yourself triggers a change in your partner, sometimes not.
We all just give each other advice based on what we've read and our own experience. I am not as invested as you may think in whether or not someone follows my advice-- frankly, I don't want the responsibility. But what I DO want is to make my point and be heard. Once I see that someone really understands what I'm saying and gives my POV some credibility, then I lose interest in whether or not they take the advice.
This probably comes from 28 years of writing grant proposals, where I get very emotionally involved in the persuasive argument and give it my all, but once the document leaves my hands, I can't afford lose any sleep over whether the proposal actually brings in the money. By then I'm on to the next one.
