__________________________________________________________ MrsNop: Hasn't he expressed the opinion that you haven't paid enough?
Indirectly. He has said things like 'you haven't shown remorse'. He has gotten angry at times when I've tried to better my situation by putting a door on the room I stay in or clean out the room. Lately, I've mentioned putting the computer that hasn't been turned on (literally) in at least 7-8 months, in the attic. I had the hard drive slicked and when I realized it was going to cost just as much to purchase windows XP practically as it would to get a new computer, I was going to buy a new one. So, I never hooked the old one up again or loaded any software on it. It's just been sitting there. But at any mention of putting it in the attic, he says no. It is instances like these that are dead give aways to me that he wants to see me suffer by not having a space of my own. There are a million other 'consequences' to my A that I live with every day. He holds steadfast to his sarcasm 'You haven't suffered, oh, you've just been soo miserable haven't you?! ___________________________________________________________
It is your home too. Part of committing to the M and living like a partner to your H in your home is making decisions of how the living space will look. Put the computer in the attic or sell it on ebay. Fix up the room but don't refer to it as "your room", call it the "guest room" and make it clear that you are sleeping there temporarily. Put the money toward something that can signify a new start. I think a new bed would be a good idea - it isn't the "fact" of what occured in it, it is the symbolism.
All of us are a little sadistic toward our mate. All of us have an "I'll show you" built into our psyche. Your H now feels that he has justification not to temper this ugly little trait that everyone has. The more reactive that you are toward it the worse it will get. When you get reactive and defend then it looks the same as you refusing to "take your punishment." Practice some reasonable responses to these kind of remarks (like Mrs. Nop gave) until they can actually come out of your mouth in a credible manner.
As for whether you are willing to do what it takes. It's academic. Right now you are living there within this M. If you divorce you will still have to deal with H. May as well learn some better strategies now.
