Am I Creating a SSM Part IV

[heatherg]

Hey Karen, no he doesn't come from an abusive or alcoholic background, that's why I found the book so odd. It seems the full title is "How to Stop Controlling Peopl and Start Taking Care of Yourself" or something like that.

I asked him about it while we were at the beach this weekend. The kids were playing in the water and H and I were in our beach chairs and I just asked him "Is that codependent book yours?" He said "Yeah, it's just some research I'm doing". I said "Oh. What does codependent mean anyway?" He said "That's what I'm learning, but it's basically someone who is so focused on other people's problems that they never address their own." I pretended I didn't suspect he was talking about me and I asked him a couple more simple questions and then just let it drop. Apparently, he's trying to diagnose me. Can't really get too upset, I do the same right?

Anyway, we had a great weekend. The kids had a blast, I invited H to sleep in bed with me on Sunday night, he did, we had sex. Then after we got home last night I asked him if we could keep up the good thing we had going.....I asked him to let me sleep in my bed. A pretty big argument ensued.

My sister called me a little while ago. I almost didn't take her call, but I find myself not taking a lot of her calls. Odd thing is, she's the best friend I have, why would I avoid her calls? It's because she doesn't understand what I'm still doing with H. She doesn't have kids and she doesn't understand why 'I let him treat me this way'. She makes me feel pathetic and weak for staying. As I wondered why I discuss my R with her I realized that a lot of times I don't know what else to talk about.....I'm so wrapped up in this, I can't seem to live a normal life. Sort of like when you break up with someone, everything reminds you of that person. Everything reminds me and/or leads me back to the fact that my M is broken and my life is not normal. I just don't know what else to say.