Willing,
Thank you for your concern and support. The timing and the content of your message is absolutely angelic. On that note, I was at my place of worship today in order to pray. For the last few days I have been praying asking God to help my wife refind the straight path and if it is within his will to allow us to be reunited as a family and provide us with the wisdom, strength, and insight to move forward. I asked him to remove any blemishes from my heart, as well as, hers. While I was in meditation of prayer I remembered that a couple of weeks ago my wife told me that she would start coming to our place of worship again on a regular basis ( it has been quite a while) then all of the sudden I felt that she was there. As I was in the process of leaving I looked out the window and I saw her car. I went outside and after about a minute my wife walks up; I told her I felt she was there and she asked if she could talk to me. So She told me she was there to ask God for forgiveness, and also to start establishing relationships with the sisters who frequent our place of worship. She also said that she wanted to eliminate some of the distancing I was doing ( blew me away when she used that term). She wanted to know how come I kept my phone off and wouldn't return her calls. I didn't answer, she went on to say that she felt as though I was leaving her and wanted her to go ahead and file for D. I still didn't answer. Then she asked about the phone again and i just couldn't be anything but truthful I told her that I needed time to start a healing process and to collect myself emotionally to insure that I would not say or do something that I would be sorry for or did not mean. Then I very briefly mentioned how i am aware of what far reaching implications my actions concerning this matter will have. She stated in so many words (and I do mean so many words) that she was willing to do what is necessary to move further down the path in the right direction. She also said that she knew I have the capability of forgiving her but would i ever forget. I didn't answer. She told me that she wanted me to be available to call, come by, or at least answer my phone when she calls. She then said in a somewhat probing fashion " it seems as though neither one of us wants a divorce since we haven't filed, so the question is where do we go from here". The conversation had to be broken off at that point due to time constraints and commitments. So thats where it stands.
I feel that I must learn from the past and just because she says the right things not jump back into things as they were. I believe I have gotten enough messages and lessons to understand that the distancer will instinctively try to get the purser closer in order to feel comfortable and then begin the distancing thing all over again. But, all in all, what she did does show effort and some willingness. I would really like to hear what you guys think about what I have just shared. I value your opinions because they are objective and based in experience.
peace