Hey how's everyone, well here's the scoop; I have been spending time with the family at the family house. I spent the night weds. to help facilitate attending my youngest daughter's graduation from kindergarten and to get the wife's car fixed. That all went real well. Thursday, I picked up a friend of mine and took him to my store to go over some improvements i am employing him to make in the store (he's a carpenter). My wife calls me at the store and says she is going to stop by which she does right around the time I need to take my friend back home. when she arrives she ask me could i meet her at the house to unload a large TV she had in the car. I say ok and asked her if she'd mind my friend taking a look at the kitchen floor (needs retiling) and the basement (needs room built for my oldest daughter) (both my wife's suggestions). Well, when my friend got there we talked, he took measurements and i asked him to contact me later with a price. while he took measurements i noticed my wife sitting in the other room and i asked if she was ok and she said yes. later that evening i asked her what did she think of my friend (She has heard about my lifelong childhood friend for 5 years and finally met him). She said she liked him and then asked about the price of the work and I told her it would be minimal and that was the end of that. Until later that night, she had to run an errand and left me with the kids who i bathed and got ready for bed. when she returned i had on my pajamas. She didn't say anything she put on her night clothes and did some final straightening up came in the den with me where i was struggling with loading "windows me" (loaded it over 98-mistake! keep getting internet explorer scripting error on start up and windows me first use video won't play), my wife sat down and blankly asked me are you spending the night, I said i planned too, misha (my 5 year old daughter) asked me too, is it ok with you? then she asked are you moving in. I told her I did'nt know how to answer that other than if you are inviting me to move in because i would never think about trying to move in just because I wanted to. Then she went on to drag up a lot of old sh-- which culminated with she feels pressured when i ask her about moving in. I pointed out that I did'nt ask, and that my friend coming by was a matter of convenice not plan. Then she got off into her "I'm not ready to move back together right now i don't want to relinquish my space, etc. and i'm not sure that the way i love you is the kind of love that can sustain a lasting marriage relationship (RELAPSE, had'nt heard this for a while after her sharing her revelations of a more realistic view of love.) I don't necessarily want a divorce but if you have decisions that you have to make i understand." I said sometimes i feel that you want me to end the relationship, are you scared to do that. Her reply was i'm not scared of anything. Any way to make a long story longer. I told her that as soon as i finished loading the software i was going to leave she said i'm not putting you out you don't have to leave. the culmination was: I said "the bottom line is you are not ready for us to move back together is that correct? She said yes, I said I am not leaving because i am mad because what you said changed nothing, when i came here today you weren't ready for us to move back in together. I refuse to let my emotions rule my life the only thing I know how to do is to continue loving you and my family until either one morning i wake up and my heart tells me to move on, or God places another women in my life that I know is sent for me. So after a while I left - with a whole bunch of feelings that I am trying to deal with now! I feel like I want to give up, I feel like I want to run and go completely dark, I feel like I want a divorce in order to move on, I feel like i want to write her a letter which i have started, but won't deliver unless advised otherwise, I feel hurt, used, unloved, and unappreciated. I feel angry, did I say hurt. People I needs you now, talk to me.
