Mike, You came to this forum for a reason. Usually, we find ourselves piecing once we feel we can communicate with our spouse in a positive and productive manner.
I'm wondering why you turned down your W's invite to stay. Presuming that your reason is a good one, why not use the opportunity of her extending the invitation as an opportunity to discuss the issue. Could she be holding back cus she senses you holding back?
I know that you, I and everyone else here have taken a beating about having OR discussions. The bottom line is that at some point you need to have them. The key is that they need to be positive and productive. As long as they head in that direction, we should have them occasionally.
I have reached the point where I am much craftier about slipping into an OR discussion. By the time W realizes we are having one, I already have my answer and it is over. I used to call her and tell her I needed an OR discussion, then took her to an appropriate location (or so I thought) and wondered why she was so up-tight.
My point in all this rambling is that OR discussions are necessary to reconcile. You need to figure out what works in regards to the details. Some of us reserve them for C sessions. That may be a good initial strategy. Unfortunately, the C is not a lifetime committment.
I admit that I don't know your entire saga, so excuse me if I'm a little slow getting started.
