I am there...literally-we too have committed to stay together and make our marriage work. My biggest problem now is 'now what?'. I have said this before and will say it again, now it seems like we're back where we were before the A, back into a 'groove'. This groove is not necessarily a bad thing, I realize that relationships mature and will not sustain the same level of intensity as they had in the beginning. We are comfortable with each other, we know each other-on a daily basis, routines, likes and dislikes. We are buddies and laugh a lot (sometimes at/with each other).
That scares me too because I really don't know what's inside his head and after all this, like you said, after what we've been through, I don't want to make the same mistakes again. Of course, knowing what they were would be a start....he still maintains I did nothing wrong. OK, so I didn't MAKE him have an A with OW....didn't hold a gun to his head, but I cannot be entirely blamless either. And like I told him, I won't know if you don't - or - CAN'T tell me.
He's at least thinking about it. And has been for a few weeks now.
One last thought...I hope this one gets a lot of replies....do you feel sort of strange telling your spouse who has cheated on you that you "love" them? Sometimes it makes me feel like a hypocrit. I wonder how they feel saying it...after having (possibly) saying it to OW/OM. Wonder if I should ask H...wonder if he'd answer. Hmm..
