Thanks for responding Kent. Amazing how we sound so much alike again. I'm the "thinker" in our relationship. I think way too much. My H is tremedously focused on his work and spends little energy thinking about relationships. He's a beer hmmm that doesn't look right, he likes to just be, he's a be-er. He admits that he probably thinks too little.

I am scrupulously honest to an extreme, my H is guarded. He told me that he doesn't always tell me the truth (this was actually comforting for me to hear because this is what I sense and when he denies it I get very confused). I tell him "everything".

Lately I tried an experiment. I took some "private time". It felt like I would be lying if I didn't at least tell him I had taken this time and didn't want to tell hm about what I did, so this is what I told him. It was rather scarey because I saw a role reversal and realized that he really does withhold from me even though he denies this. So my task is to learn to get calm with more clearly seeing what I've known all along. (Know that's pretty vague but maybe folks here can understand it?)

A big fault of mine is that I can sound critical to loved ones. Many times I don't feel critical or see it as an insignificant comment not a big issue. I've hurt my daughter, my mother and my H with this characteristic without realizing it until later, sometimes years later. My father, brother, and grandmother share this trait and I've been on the receiving end with them. It feels very bad. Wish I could never do that again for the rest of my life.

I also tend to be a Know-it-all. Another yuck trait that needs to go. Anybody else out there who has some wise words about this?

Better get to work on those items! ...also my messy house.

[This message has been edited by alottolearn (edited 03-19-2001).]