The trick is to identify these faults as faults. It's not always easy to do. Especially if the faults relate to interpersonal communication.
Example: It took me a little time but I eventually identified my major faults, understood them as such and was able to start affecting change. My W does not desire to spend much time thinking about these issues. She may vocalize her opinion, but when I ask why she feels that way, she will typically respond with an "I don't know" or a "what difference does it make". While I try to understand where she is coming from, W does not want to know, nor does she feel it important.
When your spouse has a basic flaw such as fear of intimacy (real intimacey) They will never identify their personal flaws. Thus, one spouse is left to deal with holding things togather, waiting for the other to start carrying their end of the relationship.
Compassion for our spouses faults is a give and take deal. It's hard to keep giving compassion if you don't ever receive any. This is not my situation, but I do see a bit of this on the bb.
We don't want to do too much for our spouses as to prevent them from experiencing personal growth. I try not show too much compassion for W's faults. Rather, I just don't beat her up with them. I want her to change her negative and unthoughtful behavior just like I changed mine. Before she can do this, W will need to start thinking about things rather than just "being". I try to nudge her into thinking. I don't do this alot as I don't want to piss her off with one of my old "more of the same" behaviors.
I would say that things are going pretty good for us. W has alot of catching-up to do but she is working on it. Me, I don't have anything better to be doing.
