**********While it's too bad we went through such trauma to get here, we are absolutely better off. This is, even if there were no other reason, because our relationship is real and honest now, but going through these tough times has also allowed us to see how much we really do love each other*********
I really didn't think my marriage was in such trouble-at least not enough to warrant an A (like there's ever a good enough reason for that-because there absolutely IS NOT), but I cannot see how I am better off now?? I just doesn't seem that we are all that different than before he left for that year overseas.
Before, I was confident and secure in the fact that he was as loyal as I, and that he'd never do that to us-I believed we were on the same sheet of music. Sure we had problems, but I honestly didn't think we were in danger. Our problems were not THAT bad, well, at least not to me.
We were buddies, and still are. We were loving with one another and sometimes still are, said I love you frequently, and still do, we had a healthy sex-life and still do. I felt completely comfortable with him (even naked-which I DO NOT anymore-now I am embarrased-he was with someone else-what must he think of me now), I was comfortable enough to talk with him about my fears, hopes and dreams and insecurities... all before the A...now I keep most of that stuff to myself (and just tell y'all!) I keep a lot to myself. Am I happier now? No. Absolutely not at all. I have been slapped down by this, I am less open and forthcoming about my feelings than I was before. Like Kent said-maybe I was overwhelming him?
(I need to stop-I'm getting angry again)
Do I need more time to see just how much better off I am? or will I ever...
L
he's picking me up for lunch today....gotta get myself in a better mood.
