Acting as if when spouse tells you everything

[Brian_M]

I am detached emotionally from the situation

BS. Your are deluding yourself. I wonder how many years of therapy it is going to take to fix you once this is over? Just wait until you wake up in cold sweat at 2am and start hashing these emotional things over in your head. It will catch up you.

Most importantly, you have the whole detachment concept completely misapplied. You detach when a spouse tries to pick a fight with harsh words or says something with the sole purpose of trying to get a rise of you. Detachment is not sitting back while some one inflicts deep emotional pain on you. Most importantly, detachment is sometimes diffusing a potentially explosive situation by deferring the issue. You are missing all the relevant points

* She is still actively in the A! You are not detaching if you let her discuss this right now. Defer her attempts to talk about it until the A is over.
* You do not even “have her” right now. She could drop you and go right back to OM.
* Until she drops the OM and cuts off any and all contact, you have no commitment
* Her health and well being is her responsibility, not yours.
* If she wants to off herself, then your being in the middle of this sit is actually bringing her guilt to the forefront of her thoughts. In short, you are making it worse by being there right now
* Reconciliation requires that both partner put forth effort. At the moment, your sit is one sided.
* She wants to be absolved of her guilt and is very persuasively manipulating you to reach that goal
* You are enabling her A and her self destructive behavior.
* Get a new C

In short, you have absolutely nothing until she drop the OM. Quit being the best girlfriend she ever had and start being the strong and loving H that “MIGHT” (read your DB book!!!!) be there to talk with her once she gets her priorities straight.

[Edited to add: Do yourself a favor and print out this thread in its entirety. Then, take this to your C and discuss the points. Finally, please return and let us know what the C had to say.]