Ok, so long as your entire focus is on this affair and this woman, and trust me, reading your posts, it IS, you will not make progress. Also, I don't think the idea is to pretend the affair/OW doesn't exist. The idea is to get to a point where you understand your role in it, which is nil, and then accept your total lack of control in the situation, turning then to what you CAN control, YOU.
I understand that you have some unique circumstances in your sitch, and frankly this new "threat" seems to be something I VERY unsettled by, but the basic fact that you are consumed by HIS actions and not your own, bothers me.
