Walkingback, Thanks so much for the ... er.. , moming wake-up call! Yes, I was just noticing a woman on the list I run ({eyeroll} for dating!) is always negative about our suggestions, and her chances and actions... I did NOT notice, till you point it out -- that so am I!

Before I read your message, I was feeling very depressed, as H had "chatted" me a business related message with no personal touch at all (well, he DID answer: "Thanks for thinking about bacon for me - I would like to have some Leonard's bacon on hand." to my question if he wanted me to get some (it involves a drive in the opposite direction of where we normally go.) But even *I* recognize that as NOT a personal touch, merely a thought of himself.) Anyway, his distance/lack of friendliness really slammed me hard, and I affirmed (to myself -- and to y'all!) that this mornings "task" is to make coffee and then go finish Michele W-D's Marriage Breakthrough DVD, and *do* the actual writing down on paper of my goals and 108s and all!

(I DID manage to stop myself from answering him: "{tongue in cheek} I'm well, thanks for asking. {/tic}" and just answered the business part of the message. (But it hurt to do that too!)

Quote:

My question is what did he bring in to your marriage - because if he has nothing to lose but that which you have handed over to him, perhaps he has nothing to lose.

Oh, the business is his (inherited from his dad), the house "we" bought together (albeit, since I don't work, it was "his" money) is in his name. I brought much of the furniture, but we've purchased a lot since we married. His credit record is also spotless and he is a very careful manager of money (or has been -- my paranoia sometimes gets off my leash, and tears things up in my head...)

The problem isn't that he has nothing to lose, but that he mostly doesn't care if he loses it. (He's depressed, and MLC). It is his desire/hope/plan to have the lizard as his next wife that makes him careful with money, and trying to create enough to support us all.

I HAVE decided to quit being 'swayed' by his discusions of suicicde (from reading other threads here, mostly). If he kills himself, it's his choice! He has been using that to 'shut me up' when we're discussing these things, and it makes me reassure him that "I don't want him dead." But he is also very clear that he is NOT making her aware of his 'light attachment to life." (*I* had made it clear long ago to her, when I was trying to convince her to become his mate --okay, I was overgiving and confused, it was before I found Micheel W-D and was just trying to 'save' him, as (I believed then) my marriage wasn't saveable.. I think differently now!) Anyway, SHE had a hissy-fit to him about it, and said she would not / could not deal with that kind of 'threat.' He said as long as he had her, he was in no way suicidal; (which is different from 'he's not suicidal' -- but I'm finally beyond caring...). So it seems like a useful 'control technique' -- and I am no longer going to be controlled by it!!

I am and have been working in my head (and will be shortly on paper) on how I intend to interact with him when he returns... I may NOT pick up any bacon for him. It was suggested I quit cooking breakfast for him at all -- as a 180.

I am ALSO thinking about taking my own week-long trip and letting him fend for himself entirely. (I told him that before he left for the lizard, -- but told him that I would NOT let him know when until it was too close in time for him to bring the lizard here to my house while I was gone.)

{sigh} {shake} Okay! Off to coffee and some homework! I CAN do this, and I shall!

My thread is under the Infidelity/Adultery section and is called Mea Maxima Culpa -- but I can't get the link to work.