I agree with PL. You are a snooping addict and the only way to stop is to just go cold turkey. The best way to do that is to understand that YOU ALREADY KNOW enough so stop. You know he's having an affair and you know he's confused. You know he's in another country seeing her and you know things are not that good right now. SO STOP.
The real problem is that you somehow think things hinge on what you find out from snooping. Like this...
Quote: If I had not snooped, I would think the truth really WAS that she was going to marry her ex-boyfriend, and my H ("deeply depressed and desperate") really WAS going to England to try to win her back -- instead of KNOWING it was a plot from start to finish -- that he INTENDED to mislead me into thinking she was leaving him, and he "had" to try to win her back, and so get MY support for HIS damaging me/us by spending several thousand dollars on his "trip to win her back."
If you had not snooped, AND STILL STARTED POSTING HERE, you would probably be well on your way to GAL and doing something for yourself right now instead of STILL being focused on him and OW. You have to understand that this all hinges on what YOU DO and then WHAT he decides to open up to you about. All this stuff you're finding out is only good for court but does VERY little to help and a WHOLE lot to hurt your psyche.
You are not going to force him to come back. This isn't Parry Mason or Murder She Wrote where at the end you get to stand in the living room and reveal your evidence to a breathless audience of your H, who will then, once faced with irrefutable proof of his evil doings, repent and crawl to you, begging for forgiveness. It won't go that way.
I totally understand protecting yourself, but there is a balance and you have clearly tipped that WAY off by all the snooping and such.
Like PL said, you need to decide which is more important, saving your M, or being in the "know" about every little detail of what H is doing. The only thing that really matters is that H is not doing YOU right now and you should be trying to rectify that situation, starting with rectifying yourself.
This is a TOUGH thing you're doing and it takes a LOT of guts and, well, balls to sit where you are and endure what you're enduring. I just want YOU to want to make it easier on yourself, and then to do what needs to be done, like GAL, read more and smile at the birds and trees at least once today.
