Mea Maxima culpa!

[PositivelyListening]

Hi Neo's Wife,

Are you committed to doing everything you possibly can to save your marriage? Because I am not getting that from your posts. If you are committed to saving your marriage, here are a few things you can do, to start with:

1) Stop snooping
2) Stop believing what he says
[And what the e-mails said (both the good and the bad things) You can disregard 100% of what your H says right now, and at least 50% of what he does. Stop making what he says mean anything. For me, I choose to believe only what brings me joy. Everything else is just noise, like passing gas. Ignore it.]
3) Stop expecting him to tell the truth right now. Stop expecting him to lie. Stop expecting anything.
4) Start taking care of yourself. Start figuring out what you like, what you want, what makes you happy.

If you concentrate on just these 4 things, that will be enough for a while. Try to see if everything you say and do can be managed using these 4 points.

Meanwhile, you did a really great job of not reacting to him when you spoke with him on the phone. That is great, a really good start. Try to add one more thing when you are interacting with him. Try to just listen, rather than respond and dialogue. Affirm him and agree with him about everything he says. If you can't agree, try some affirmative "uh-huh's" like you are listening so he will continue to talk. Digest the information on your own. Observe and listen. Do not react. Especially do not "believe" what he is saying because it will change moment to moment.

Nonetheless, with that said, it is clear that your H is confused and searching for answers. Some of the things he is saying are positive about him wanting to continue your M. Don't discount those, as you have been. Try to remain positive. If you want a chance to save your marriage, stop focusing on divorce planning and planning for a future without him. Do the above (and all of the techniques in Divorce Remedy as you see fit) and see what happens in a few months. Take a deep breath. Take it a day at a time. You are in a big transition, but it is all for the good in the long run. I promise. You can do this.