Positively new thread - how do you deal with this?

[PositivelyListening]

Hi everyone,

I woke up this morning, pissed off. If I was speaking to H today, I would be saying something to him like:

"I realize I have been in denial about you. I thought you had made a terrible mistake, and you would realize it. Now I can see that you are not committed to our marriage, and do not want to be - you are committed to being a liar and a cheater and pursuing that life. I have been hanging around with you, in denial about that. That must have been frustrating for you, as I have not been able to accept your choices. It was important for me to maintain respect for you, and the only way I could do that was to honor and believe in who you have said you are, and said you were when we married. I am giving that all up now. I don't want dishonest people in my life, and you are committed to deception, betrayals and lies right now. You are lying to important people in your life, like your brother and mother, and you have done nothing to clean up your betrayals to your son, the D's, our friends, or me. You and OW are perfect for each other since that is the lifestyle you both are choosing. It doesn't fit my values, and I can no longer participate. I feel like I have given my children, our friends and family the wrong message by supporting you, and I will now correct that. I have been protecting you and protecting your image, and allowing you to continue to deceive them and present yourself as an honorable person. Since you don't want to be, I guess you are not. I am done pretending to the world for you that you are a good guy. Maybe you are exactly what your behavior says you are, and I was just the last one to accept it. I wanted to believe something else. I will now accept that you are committed to this lifestyle, because that's who you are. I apologize for thinking I needed to save you from yourself."

I am away on a work trip right now, so there is no chance that I will actually say this to H, this week anyway. But that's how I am feeling today. I am disappointed, angry and ready to walk away, file for separation, see a lawyer, protect and take care of myself.

I will do my best to temper this, but I'm also not sure I should anymore. I have a week at a resort (while working ) to process things through. Right now, my beautiful private room with the pillow top bed faces the glistening pool. I don't have to do much until tonight. So all that works in my favor.

I may set up another coaching call with the DB coach Chuck. I do not want to be foolish. But I am really frustrated and want to move forward. If I can find a way to do that, taking care of myself without burning all the bridges between H and I, I would prefer that. But right now, I feel played out.

Thanks for letting me vent.