Again...not trying to double dip here, but you had a lot of questions on the other thread. I'm not sure how much thread hopping you do so here is my response to your questions in case you did not get a chance to see them:
PositivelyListening ****he "has to" pursue the R with her because he always does things for everyone else and this time he needs to do what will make him happy
OK that made me laugh out loud. I don't know your husband or his background. He may or may not have a reason to feel that way. I felt the same thing. I used issues in my past to justify it.
**** Despite the fact that she is married, has children, has no plans of leaving her M, and they live in separate countries with neither one of them planning to relocate.
That's just strange. I was in a deep cloud of an affair, but he knows he is going down a dead end?? That does not make a lot of sense to me. All I can say is affairs will warp your logic. When I was in the midst of mine, I accepted the fact I was going to lose tons of $$, I accepted the fact I was going to lose my daughter (who is the MOST important person to me...I know, I know it should be my wife. I'm just being honest), my house and likely my job. I justified all this. Thinking about it now....I can only compare it to a drug addiction.
****If I continue to be loving and patient, do you think he will figure it out?
Hearing that breaks my heart. I wish I could tell or promise you that by doing that he WILL run back. I can't. All I can say is my wife did what you are doing and that was one of the big reasons I came back and cut off the OW. If she had nagged and pushed and argued, I would be sleeping with the OW right now (well actually not right now since she is in the slammer for the weekend, but you get my gist).
****Does that always happen? I have to believe it does. I have no empirical evidence other than my own situation, and now that I have a clear head, logic. Honestly....What is that R based on??? It's based on lies, weakness and being a traitor. To have an affair you have to lie in the beginning to hide it, you do it b/c the OW is filling a void and you're too weak to find a way in your own M to fix that and being a traitor b/c you made a vow.
Even if you H does "love" this person, their R is built on a house of cards. I have to believe as soon as life's troubles hits, the cards will fall.
****Also, I would love it if you have time to periodically check in on my sitch on my thread
Will do. Just take what I say with a grain of salt. I've learned a lot about affairs and will share my shame, but I'm not a marriage counselor.
****Do you ever think interference is a good thing?
Wow. That is a great question. I think it depends how deep your H is in the affair. If he is REAL deep, he will run away. If he has one foot in and one foot out, it may be a wake up call. Be VERY careful though. I was not put in that situation. That's just my gut reaction.
****But I have not been "tough", not at all. Although I have been straight at times, and strong. Your thoughts?
I've said before. I think my wife almost enabled my affair. Even though she did not know about it. Hell, I could upstairs right now and tell her I'll be gone for a couple of days and all she would say is, "OK be safe. Call me if you can."
The final straw for me was when I saw how selfish the OW was. When I first started my "clarity" a month ago 6/19, and started to break it off with the OW she went ape sh^t. All I could think was "Damn, I left my pregnant wife and three year old and my wife did not treat me this bad." Prior to this point every time I compared the OW and my wife the OW would come out on top (no pun intended).
But when you really start to think about your entire life and what you are going to give up...my wife came out on top every time. That's why I went back.
