Positively new thread - how do you deal with this?

[PositivelyListening]

Hello, everyone,

I appreciate everyone being there. Thank you all so much for your posts. I am so grateful. It must be the week for grieving. I received a call a few hours ago that my auntie died. She was like a second mother to me, and even more important to me during these past 15 years since my mama's been gone. I loved her dearly, she taught me everything about baking, I learned pies from her. She and my uncle (her nephew actually, who I have not seen much in recent years, but knew me as a child also) both died last night. This is the last of the family with my mama's name, and the last who knew me as a child. I called both my D's, and I also called H to tell him. He was kind. I didn't say much, I was a bit teary. Of all the things I used to think about in our M that I thought would be coming at some point, where I would need something emotionally from H, it was the anticipated death of this auntie, as I have loved her so much, and I knew long ago that I would need him when it came, and had even told him it would likely be an emotional time for me. How ironic he is not present in our M, when I used to think about that. My auntie was 100, healthy and living at home, and she died quickly by stroke, so it is not such a bad thing. But I will miss her terribly. H went to see her with me in November, and I was also there with foster D for the 100th b-day celebration in February. She was like a queen in her court, everyone came to pay homage and share memories. H had planned to go with me to that also, then it turned out he had to "work" that weekend. That was his first trip to see OW this year. I can imagine this will only add to the guilt he is already feeling, as it was such a shock to reveal that lie in MC shortly thereafter.

Tonight I will make pies, in honor of my auntie, for our 4th of July celebration. And if I cry some more, I won't have to add salt to the dough. It is all OK. I have wonderful loving memories of her that I will cherish all my life. I can hear her voice and see her sweet arthritic thick fingers as we made the dough together. I have written up many of her recipes over the years, and intend a memory cookbook for her and my mama to be published at some point. But her true legacy is every holiday celebration, when I make "her" pies.

Thank you all for your support. I have to figure out if I need to change my work trip, I was planning to leave on Friday to go to DC for 10 days. I will not get too caught up in the details today. There is too much happening at once right now, I need to process. I guess this is just a time for grieving.