Kent, You hit the nail on the head ....what you say is exactly true, we both recognize it, have talked about it together and in C and I feel I have come a long way in changing that about myself...my problem is that I do not feel any 'changes' within him-like his opening up to me about his feelings and OR. There are still things he just doesn't tell me/talk about because of how he thinks I will react-although I have really surprised him over the past few months by my reactions (or rather lack thereof) to him.
I have had to ask him on a few occasions not to precede something he's gonna say to me with "Now don't get upset...but..." I have asked him to just tell me if my reaction to whatever he tells me upsets him and makes him feel 'unsafe'. So far-it has not and he has been comfortable, but not comfortable enough to completely open up about his A and his feelings/mindset that led him to that-like I've said in other posts/threads-I did not think my marriage was as bad as he believed it to be.
It is very hard to detach when he's there all the time-living with you-carrying on as if nothing is wrong....
ALTL-any tips that help you stay detached and not be so needy yet still get the closeness that you need in your marriage? This is a tough balancing act-sometimes it overwhelmes me. H has been home from his 1 year overseas since last July, I knew of EA last Jan but only found out it was really PA this past Nov. Relatively new for me, but been 'over' for him for a year now. We never separated as a result of A but were separated because of his job (while it was going on and after I found out-I caught him talking to a woman on Yahoo IM last Jan-he denied PA) so our forced separation was probably a blessing (?) Anyway I'm still dealing with roller coaster emotions, but not as severe as they used to be the snapshot pictures in my head all the time of them together have subsided...but I still struggle to be much more introverted and detached than is in my nature to be-and of course I still have many setbacks.
lastly... Jamie-my congratulations to you and your family-you have been through so much you deserve much happiness, please keep us updated.
