Positively new thread - how do you deal with this?

[PositivelyListening]

Here is a post courtesy of Smurf_SMR that I found really helpful in understanding the difference between distancing (detaching) and going dark:

The technique of distancing:

It really is very complex and there is not only ONE way to do it. A lot of people confuse "distancing" with "going dark". They are not the same.

When you are detached you are naturally distancing. If you are needy you are pursuing.

Going dark is about NOT contacting them at all. Not talking to them at all. Avoiding them.

Distancing is being pleasant but busy, Too full of your own life to "notice" what your H is doing or not doing.

AN EXAMPLE:
Think of how you might approach a shy child. You don't approach them directly. You start doing something that gets their curiousity up and then you begin to notice (out of the corner of your eye) that the child has moved a little closer but, if you acknowledge them too soon, they run back to their secure spot. You continue on with what you are doing and pretend not to notice them at all. As they feel safer, they come a little closer. You don't want to spook them so you continue on with what you are doing but keep an eye on them serruptisiosly(SP). This can be a long process and works well with animals and MLCers too