Positively new thread - how do you deal with this?

[PositivelyListening]

One other item from last night's rendezvous (things keep popping up in my head). After H had informed me he was going back to Germany, he said, "I guess you will notice I am not wearing my wedding ring". I hadn't noticed actually, but it surely was uncomfortable to look at his hand at that moment and see it missing, after 6 years he has never taken it off, and especially after he had announced his plans to visit OW once again. He quickly explained that it had gotten "broken" while working and I made a soft but snide comment "that's convenient" and he said "I thought you might say something like that" and then proceeded to explain in great detail how it was at the jeweler's being repaired, that he had smashed it under a big board while working, and could barely get it off as it was an elipse, so it was at the jeweler's getting repaired but the head jeweler was out of town and they couldn't fix it until he returned as they didn't want to break it, etc. etc. So I told him I was glad he was getting it repaired and I was glad he wasn't hurt. I suppose this feels significant to me somehow, that he hasn't let go of the marriage yet, and that it was so important for him to tell me all of the details about the whereabouts of the ring.

I'm not sure what all these little things mean. It seems as if H is trying very hard to keep the door ajar to our M, appearances up etc. Yet his tenacious hold on his R with OW is fierce. I wonder how long one can go on with a foot in two different worlds? I guess in H's case, at least as long as the MLC lasts? Oh impatience speaking, I wish I could do something to speed his process along...

Meanwhile, I will try to focus on the positives, even if they are halfs of whole things. He still wants to wear the ring, and wants me to know he wants to wear the ring. I used to suffer over the fact that he probably wore it in bed with her. But seeing him without it made me very happy that he cared to put it back on, and that he continues to wear this symbol of our commitment even into his world with her. I realize none of this "should" matter to me right now as there are bigger things to concern me, but I am a sentimental person, and it all does matter to me. I worry and hope I will be able to let go of the past if this A is ever in the past and we are rebuilding. That will be the hardest thing, I can already see that it must be VERY difficult for a reconciling LBS to forgive and release the past hurts that were inflicted. There are so many, and they are so small but still so awful and additive. Coming from a man who used to be quite sensitive to small and romantic and sentimental things, and who now seems oblivious to the mixed and confusing and sometimes even cruel messages he currently sends. These affronts to the romantic hopes and dreams, which I believe will hurt both of us very much in the memories to come. And the task is only to forgive and forgive and forgive. And do my best to focus on the positive things wherever I can find them.