Your H is fixated on OW right now. The reason he's so tired all the time is he is being pulled in two directions and added to his guilt and sadness, it is overwhelming. He is probably doing the best he can do at this time.
Unfortunately, it's not helping YOU. You can't DB all the time; your reaction to his not coming for dinner is normal! You are human. There's no one here who wouldn't be disappointed and angry over it. Maybe the reality of the situation is starting to set in. Maybe underneath you thought with time and change he would see you have done many positive things and come back. But it isn't happening. Also unfortunately affairs don't tend to be short term. Their affair won't last; but are you willing to wait? And even if you wait, will he still come back?
It sucks. Do good things for yourself. I think it may be a good idea to go dark for awhile. I think you need to for you, if for no other reason.
I know EXACTLY how you feel about your H and marriage. I went through the exact same thing. And I feel the same.
