Thought I'd jump in here too as I seem to be at a similar place as most of you.
I am wondering, now that we are all at the rebuilding stage, how long do we wait for out non-communicative spouse to speak up?
Kent-your wife could be my husband (save a few critical physical differences) but he's never been much of a talker, well, he was at the beginning of our R, but has gotten progressively more silent over the years.
I do not initiate the OR talks (have not since 23 Dec) however, at counseling I let it all come out. He regognizes my 'changes' (thanks to the DB book) but I'm just tired of seemingly being the only one who's changed. He says he feels he's more open, expressive and talkative, but I don't hear it, not about OR and the 'why's' and 'how comes' of his A. (for some reason this is very important for me to understand) He does not initiate OR talks, or even any kind of 'there is something bothering me' talks, and I can tell when he's got something on his mind, when I ask, he just says 'nothing's wrong'...so I let it drop and say ok and that if he feels like talking, I'm here to listen. And I try to act as if.
Don't know what else to do/say. We usually get along well-buddies-laughing and joking, cooperating in the house and with the kids....but I still feel there's a lot more underneath he's not able/ready to let out. He knows I don't trust him but it's like he doesn't trust me either-and he has no reason not to...I have always been faithful to him (even though I've had a few oppoutunities not to have been-but I meant my vows).
Patience is a virtue...one that I sorely lack. I feel our marriage is worth the wait but sometimes it's overwhelming. Thanks for the ramble...
