Positively new thread - how do you deal with this?

[PositivelyListening]

Last night H called again. Two nights in a row Guess he is making some efforts here. I was fortunately on the phone, and it went to voice mail. I had told him I might not be home... perhaps he was checking? Obviously didn't find out as it could have been D on the phone and me out and about... But he left a V.M. message which was a new behavior, as for the last several months he has been calling and hanging up with no message both at home and on the cell (where I could see that he'd called). His message was VERY cheery, he was talking to the roommate's GF who has just moved in, had some ideas for a check writing service for me ($10 per month and the service pays all my bills for me and sends me a report for the tax guy too, all paperless bill paying - what a deal). He was all excited in the VM, because he remembered how the bill paying used to stress me out every month (it had been my job to manage all the household bills and rentals, as his was to manage all of his business accounts and invoices). And it does stress me out sometimes (mostly in the past I have worried about not having enough $$ to pay for everything, a last remnant from when I was on welfare for a short time when D was a baby and I feared I would lose D and end up homeless). I found it unbelievably charming that he was thinking of me in his "Acts of Service" kinda way, trying to make my life easier. Nice. I decided not to call back right away last night, though but not to leave him unacknowledged for too long... So called today on my way to pick up a friend for lunch (keepin it short), thanked him for the message, appreciated him for thinking about me, told him I would look into it, that I really appreciated it (His primary LL is Words of Affirmation). Then, invited him for BBQ/dinner Saturday afternoon/evening (D will be out of town), he told me that he "had to work, could he leave it open?" I said, "oh". And he said, "About the time I will arrive, I mean". And I said, "OK. Just call me that morning and let me know what time you'll be able to come. I have to go now, I'm just picking up a friend for lunch." (ending the convo on my time ) And he said, "Can we go to a movie after dinner on Saturday too? We haven't been to a movie in a long time!" And I said "Sure, I'll review the paper for film showings, that would be fun. Gotta go now"

I think I did good. Seems like perhaps he is missing me a little. I am getting a lot of sweetie, hon and darling when he talks to me (although that has never gone away for long, but I still really like it). he seems like he is trying to stay engaged. I am pleased with myself. Much stronger and better today. Reminds me how important it is for me to take a break if I am "off" until I can find my powerful center again.

I also managed myself well with D last night. She was having a melt-down related to being home with mom, even for a month, at age 25 with a masters degree and no job. For heavens sake, school just ended last week, and she is moving from being a nanny 50 hours per week plus full time graduate school load to no obligations other than job & house hunting. But oh my God, melt down. She is a driven gal. But I was good, I listened, was sympathetic and encouraging, and then cut it off because I had plans to walk on the beach with a friend and I wasn't gonna miss it as it was important to me. She stopped the intense emotionality, rested while I was gone, thanked me when I returned and we had dinner. At which point she was able to receive the feedback she wanted from me regarding her resume and cover letter, and life goes on.

Healthy boundaries are very important things to have. I have not always had them. And each new challenge has me reevaluate where I am at with that issue. Right now, feeling healthier.