Hi PL, I've been lurking awhile...just wanted to say a few things if you don't mind. Stand your ground on the house. You already told him you don't want to do it unless he is committed to the marriage. He knows it. But he's trying to wear you down, I think. So if you say no, and he walks away, what have you lost? You've lost someone who was using you for his own (and possibly the OW's) financial gain. I think maybe this is why you are disturbed by it. You know deep down he doesn't want to do it for you and him; he wants to do it for him, or possibly him and her. I think she's giving him that old familiar line, "I can't leave my kids yet; they're too young, but maybe when they are older...." blah blah blah She is never going to leave her safe world for an unsafe one. She may justify her actions by saying she's a "good" person for staying with her H and kids but she's a cheat and a liar. Your H hasn't figured the whole thing out yet.
Meanwhile, and yes, I've been there, the main word is patience. It's an awful word because you really want to hit him over the head with a frying pan and say, "Wake up, you idiot!" But you can't do it for him; he has to do it and unfortunately, maybe he never will.
You are grieving for your marriage and the H who used to be and my heart goes out to you. And, of course, you are free to do what you want, but if I were you I'd stand my ground on this house issue. If he wants to have a life without you, then fine; let him do it on his own. Don't make it easy for him. I KNOW all this is easier said than done. I think he wants to have his cake and eat it, too.
Too bad he doesn't notice how much the OW has already done for him. Turned his life upside down, broke up his marriage and destroyed his relationship with his son. Gee, she's great! What else will she do before he wakes up and smells the coffee? Frustrating, isn't it? I know.
I wish you luck! And I wish you peace. It's a long hard road but you're a strong person and you'll find your way. No matter what happens you WILL feel good again someday.
