Hey PL....sorry you're having such a hard time with all of this. It often gets this way, I understand. It's so hard standing still and feeling like it's what you need to do to make progress.
Make some new goals for yourself. Stop worrying so much. So much of what is bothering you now is what I worry about too....but realize that much of that is OUT of your control. Just keep what you're doing. Enjoy time with D, friends and life. Make that the goal for the summer, H can join if he wants. It's so easy to get down, so don't worry. BUT, you have to pick yourself back up for your D's (and for US!). I know you can do it.
Detach or not care...hmmm, good question. I'm facing that now. It's so hard for me to look at H and feel the love....in fact, I feel loathing at times. But, that's also kinda natural. At other times, I feel so good, still not in love, that I just want to put it all away. BUT, you know, it's still early for me, we still haven't cleared the air with talks....so me expecting to be in love now is unrealistic. I still have to wait, and so do you.
We have all been treading on the the line of limbo for so long that we become crazed with questions of certainty for our future. It's understandable. You're feeling out of control. Focus on how to get that feeling of control back.
Take it 1 step at a time. Write your DB goals down, but also write down goals for the summer for YOU. remember to keep in mind all aspects of your self (spiritual, physical, mental, family, etc). Most days will be pushing yourself through these things, but then you'll see that they actually make you forget for a little while and mkae you feel better.
