Positively new thread - how do you deal with this?

[PositivelyListening]

Hi RB, No indication so far that he is planning to return to Germany. He is in the midst of completing his US citizenship, awaiting only the oath ceremony. Of course a US passport is a good thing to have, and would not impede his return to Germany. But I do not think he wants to go there. I do periodically get the sense that he and OW may be hatching something, but more like a fantasy scenario for years down the road is my guess. He's made a couple of recent comments about wanting to retire when he is 50, which he never said while living with me - his ambitions around his work and a dream to build houses (prior to the recent comments) were VERY long term, as he said he loved his work and couldn't picture ever NOT working, and he loves living here. I do know OW has never lived outside her home town in Germany, and she has no intention of leaving her H or children (younger teenagers - 13 or 14 age range I believe) at this time. My suspicion is that H & OW are fantasizing an escape for when the children are grown, which is why H wants to retire at 50 and make lots of money between now and then so he can finance their dream escape. I also found that he had accessed a web site about living in Australia, and when I have mentioned Australia recently (I have a friend there for a month, etc.) he has acted either overly interested or pointedly looked away as if uninterested. Just speculation on my part of course but I wouldn't be surprised if they have some future fantasies that include figuring out a way to be together somewhere new. I just don't think he'll go back to Germany as the economic prospects aren't good (and he has a strong and growing business here) and the weather doesn't suit him there either. And I suspect if they did try to live together in Germany, people in their lives would give them a hard time about what they had done.

In some ways, I wish he would have the urge to go back to Germany. I think he's find out pretty quickly if he did that, that the R with OW will not work. But at a distance, they can continue to text message 20 times a day and keep the longing and fantasy going. Forgive me, but I am a little pissy about it today. All MY recent fantasies have involved kicking him to the curb. Sometimes it just feels so unlikely that he will ever wake up. I re-read parts of DR last night, and it reminded me that if all my best DB efforts do not get results, it is due to an OW in the wings. The best I can do is focus on me, and not them. It will make me crazy, I just want to shake him up, wake him up and it won't work. I know that he feels like he has found his true love for forever Sometimes I think his behavior is so stupid it is hard to be compassionate. But then I remember that underneath all of this he is hurting and trying to find a way out of the pain, and I can be patient one more day.