RB, I will argue that you have not been helped by snooping. Sure, you got some info that made you think a certain way but I think it's better when we learn to deal with the uncertainty of these things by standing on our own. A little over a week ago, you were ready to walk, and really, you still may be, but if that happened, and you ended up walking away, then you would have in effect, been wrong in that the A still continues and you W did not leave him.
My point is as it always is, what you derived from those text messages shaped your thinking in a way that may or may not have been correct. You assumed that because OM was an immature pud that you would get your W back. Of course you would because eventually she would have to choose her mature H and family over THAT alternative.
I admit that you did get some PMA benefits from snooping but I also think your fall would have been greater (notice WOULD HAVE been) if things didn't work out.
I just think that snooping is paying ultimate respect to the affair and the idea that the more we know about it, the better off we'll be is totally natural and in my opinion, totally false.
Yes, you did luck out that the info YOU saw helped you maintain, but that has a lot more to do with your already good handle on things, and ability to reason out that 20 year old+no money=failed relationship with W. Many people would have taken that info MUCH differently; 20 year old OM, OMG, how do I compete with THAT. He is probably in GREAT shape, etc. He doesn't have any money so that means W is going to drain our bank accounts to support him. He "needs" her, which is a strong appeal to her as a "nurturing" type person...etc...etc...etc...damn...damn...damn.
You see my point. You CHOSE to make what you found a positive. Most of us have a REALLY hard time doing that.
been) if things didn't work out.
